Traditionally Speaking

I watched the saddest thing.

I watched a documentary called Daughter from Danang.

This documentary follows an adopted American woman — one of thousands of Vietnamese children who were separated from their families and flown to America in 1975 — who gets more than she bargained for when she’s reunited with her birth mother. The film emphasizes how much culture, rather than innate physical characteristics, can shape an individual. Winner of the Grand Jury Prize for Best Documentary at the 2002 Sundance Film Festival.

Here is the website for those of you interested.

If you plan on watching it, then come back after you do cause I’m going to talk about it.

I love documentaries. My netflix account is probably 40% documentaries. I guess this one caught my eye because of the assimilation factor. I am always interested in other cultures that live in the U.S. I like to see how they keep their culture going once here, or not.

I learnt from this documentary that there was some gangsta stuff going on and such a thing called “Operation Babylift”, a Ford administration plan to relocate orphans and mixed-race children to the U.S. for adoption before they fell victim to a frighteningly uncertain future in Vietnam after the Americans pulled out.

Read all about it.

There were some gangsta social workers going around telling these poor mothers that their babaies would be killed if they didn’t give them to the U.S.! There is a scene where one mother says NO and the social worker goes on and on about how great the childs life will be in the U.S. And when the babies land at the airport, all these people are waiting for their babies! Lord Jesus!!!

This chick in the documentary looks nothing like she’s half Vietnamese. I know her father was American but damn, nothing at all. And she was raised in the South (TN) so she looked and talked just like any other dark haired southern lady.

Anteeywho (that was Madea coming out) mother and daughter are reunited after 22 years and it starts out roses but quickly smells like poo poo poo.

The main reason is tradition. In Vietnam, it is tradition for the one who is able in the family to support the others financially. American chick takes offense to this right away cause after all, all she wanted was to reunite with her mother. They (her siblings) ask her if she can move their mother to the U.S. and if not, could she send a monthly stipend. Honey cries herself a river and cannot, willnot believe that these people have the audacity to ask her such a thing.

I understand that I am looking at this from a very different stand point. I am so grateful that I spent very important years of my development in my home country so I know of these traditions. This southern belle in the documentary is proud to be southern and is happy only knowing her way of life.

It is not uncommon in other parts of the world, my country included that financial support is given to family members. It is a thin line and I guess you have to be there. We used to get visitors at 4 am that had drove all the way from the village or Malawi and my mother didn’t think twice about cooking a full meal at 4 am for our guests. You could not show up unannounced in the U.S of A in this day and age and expect the doors to be opened and a cooked meal.

There comes a time in a child’s life in my tradition when you realize that roles have changed and you have to send your parents money and do things for your parents that you never expected. NOt so much here. I have seen parents ask for money here and be flat out told NO by their kids (grown kids). I’m amazed by it each time. Just last week, my parents who both work needed money and all 4 of us were at Western Union/Money Gram in 2 seconds flat. All I sent was $50 but it was money.

It is disheartening to watch grown ass children living in their big houses and driving their expensive cars only give their parents birthday and christmas presents. Where I’m from your parents become a part of bills. Lights, check. Cable, check. Groceries, check. Mom & Dad, check. Simple.

Because her Vietnamese family asked her for money, southern belle was overwhelmed and disheartened. She didn’t even want to have nothing to do with them no more. I would understand if she had not visited, but she was there and saw what they needed. And she knew for damn sure that money spent on a happy meal here would do way more for her people there. I’m sure if she sent $20 a month, they would be happy.

Don’t get me wrong….just as I know that there are happy negroes, there are happy Africans and happy Vietnamese as well. I knew some people whose Mama demanded $1000 a month to be sent home! Uh huh. Pure exploitation if you ask me. There are relatives you can send Pay-less shoes to and the happy ones that demand Gucci. Uh huh.

I bring all of this up because it is sooooo important for Americans who adopt from other countries to fully know these cultures from which they bring their adopted children. Yeah you can give them private school and a car when they turn 16 and all that jazz BUT chances are that one day they’ll be curious to know where they are from and possibly want to visit. If you told them not one thing about where they were from and who they are, how do you think they will react to no plumbling and running water? Will they appreciate how their people live and be happy simply to be in their presence or will they turn their noses at a culture that birthed them?

Think about it.